A TheyMightBeRacing.com exclusive, uncovering the true origins of the Stig.
Anyone who has watched any variant of the BBC TV programme Top Gear is familiar with the race driver known as "The Stig." What hasn't been known until now was the true origins of The Stig, nor how so many variants of him have been possible.
It was recently discovered that a little known project, funded by the BBC in the late 1990's, was used to genetically engineer The Stig. There is little available documentation about the original Racer Genome Project, excepting for the fact that it's primary goal was to identify all the greatest racing characteristics evident in the genome of all known great racing drivers.
It was this information that was used to clone the original Stig (known as Black Stig). The state of genetic engineering before 2002 was not at the heights that it is today, and that Stig was known to be deficient in a number of areas. Clarkson himself was heard referring to it as "having a very small brain, who had worthless opinions, and a disorder described by Clarkson as 'Mansell Syndrome'."
What wasn't known during the first two (reformed) seasons of Top Gear was that top BBC scientists, having finally nailed Doctor Who regeneration cycles, were off to a much greater task. Building a bigger and better Stig. This Stig was completed towards the end of season two. Now, Top Gear, needing to find a way of getting rid of the original Black Stig came up with a perfect means of his disposal: launching the Stig off of the HMS Invincible and losing him at sea.
Interestingly, it was a side effect of his "Mansell Syndrome" that made this possible. Based on research done at the Mansell Syndrome Research Institute of Helsinki, Finland. It was determined by MSRI scientists that sufferrers of "Mansell Syndrome" are unable to resist driving modified Jaguar XJ-S's.
With the commencement of season 3 of Top Gear the revised White Stig was introduced. While this Stig was significantly improved over the earlier version it was determined that the increased brain capacity forced the Stig to don white overalls and led to a strange auditory OCD variant where The Stig could only listen to specific genres or types of sound/music for a six month period, with this choice, oddly enough, changing in between seasons of Top Gear.
Further discoveries occuring early in 2005 have resulted in the ability to create other, specialized Stigs. The first of these was debuted in Series 9, Episode 3. During the visit of Top Gear to the United States, a US specific Stig was required. To make a more American racing friendly version of the Stig (and because it made it less expensive to clone) they removed the ability to make right hand turns. It was rapidly discovered, though, that this limitation had side-effects of having to feed the US version on Twinkies, beer and nachos. By the time the Top Gear team met their US versioned Stig he'd doubled in girth, thus their naming him "Big Stig".
This new ability has led to boutique versions of The Stig now being created for subsequent series of Top Gear. OF interesting note, all these Stig variants contain their own abnormalities. In the series filmed in Botswana, the "Stig's African Cousin" version, modified to be able to survive without water for weeks at a time, was actually able to determine that Jermey Clarkson was rubbish at picking challenge cars and opted to walk the track rather than drive Clarkson's "Lancia Beater Coupe." Season 12 saw the creation of two Stigs: "Rig Stig" and "Red Stig." The former was cloned for an earlier episode in the series and is actually the second "Rig Stig" clone. The first "Rig Stig" was accidentally mixed with US Trucker genes, and was permanently tanned on the wrong arm. Last minute resequencing was then performed using Lorry driver genes and the tan appearred on the correct arm. The lesser known "Red Stig" (as we've termed him) was built for scooter driving in Vietnam. It turns out that there were some mistakes in his sequencing, where researchers accidentally applied the tricycle rather than bicycle gene, and Red Stig was only able to ride a small child's red tricycle, which is the real reason why the scenes containing it were cut from the final episode.
Further experimentation has allowed for two additional Stigs to be created. these two appear on Top Gear Australia and Top Gear Russia. The former was created by adding the gene sequence F-M-K-H (Football, Meatpies, Kangaroos and Holden Cars) is was so greatly changed by this that he subisists solely on Vegemite, Meat Pies and Twiglets. Because of this, the OZ Stig is constrained to stay on the Australian continent. Little is known about the Russian Stig's genetic sequencing (being the most recent publicly known Stig).
Until now almost all of this has been strictly conjecture. Recent results, however, have enabled us to validate that this is the truth without a doubt. When the proposed Top Gear America series was canned, the development of a Stig for this series was halted. Thanks to the efforts of the ISPCS (International Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Stigs) not only have the episodic Stigs been rehabilitated after being abandoned (Big Stig, et al), but the early gestation American Stig has been rescued, and we have pictures!
You'll note that this Baby Stig is quite fat. Originally bereft of his ability to make right turns he is presently undergoing extensive gene therapy to replace that ability. There is much hope for him to eventually succeed at turning both left and right.
Here you can see an additional photo during his physical therapy. Here, the doctors are assisting him in making right turns.
--Disclaimer. This is entirely for humor purposes, any and all
trademarks or copyrights are retained by their original owner.
--Side note. BBC, Make a proper "I am The Stig" onesie! Baby Stig
wants one! He's presently 6-12 Mos. size.
